fucking great

the fourth was fun, one of the best days ever. the next day i woke up with a sprained ankle and gum in my hair, luke woke up a half hour late for work, at my house, with a bloody nose.

last night we went to the frog pond. dustin picked sara and i up and i immediately got wasted. because mike was there. which, obviously, i had anticipated but still wasn't really prepared for. i didn't want to talk to him before he left so i wrote him a letter and painted the envelope black and put it in my purse to give to him. when we were all leaving i walked outside, sat down next to sara, put my head in her lap and started sobbing. which was.... stupid. i wanted to go home but i didn't drive and dustin was nowhere to be seen. then mike came over and was trying to ask sara if i was crying and i didn't want to look at him and he tried to pull me up to stand with him and i pushed him away. he walked away and daniel said "you're handling this very well. better than i would have thought" or something like that. that was the only thing that made me feel better. then mike came back, picked me up and carried me away. that time i let him. and i thought "so much for handling it well" he wouldn't let me go and we sat there talking for along time and then we made out for an hour and then we went home. and now he's gone. he read my letter at the aiport and told me he loved me. which doesnt mean anything.

oh, bad decisions. you are my favorite.