CAUTION: tree dripping sap

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane. (I think I made you up inside my head.)


I fancied you’d return the way you said, But I grow old and I forget your name. (I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;

and now they've all gone

i just finished a crossword puzzle. one of the clues was "Back (of a bus)" and the answer was rear.

which of course reminds me of the time paraic and i drove up to idylwild to stay with melanni and nicholas at his parents cabin. and we played pictionary. and i got the word rear. i kept drawing butts. and nobody got it. so then i drew a bus, with an arrow to the rear of it, and everyone kept guessing "bus, wheel, window, car, bus," etc. so then i drew black people in the back of the bus. and everyone just started laughing and never got it and then couldn't believe i tried to use the back of a bus to describe the word "rear." and melanni and i wore leggings with t-shirts and mine wasn't long enough and we saw wolf puppies and on the way home i was driving fast and paraic said "its better to be late in this life than early to the next" but he didn't even make that up, his dad did.

skeleton key(how pointless)

last night when i got home form work shane, jeanette and myself went to eat fish and chips at red robin. i got a beer. it was cold. it felt like ireland, except better because shane was there. after that we went home and i took a shower, when i got out madison was there, he playing blackbird by the beatles on the guitar and some other weezer song i cant remember the name of. sara came over and then we got really high in my car. we remembered plague vendor was having a show at whittier college, which is ridiculously close to my house, and reluctanly decided to go. so we drove in the parking lot, then decided not to go. we went to the market instead and bought candy and dried apricots and water. then sean king texted me that he was at the show so we decided to go after all, and madison was making fun of us because we kept changing our minds all high. when we got there it was boring and sort of dumb but it was cool to see sean. i was thinking about how i haven't seen them since i got back from europe and how if i wasn't high i wouldn't have been there that night, and then right before pv was supposed to go on the show got shut down and they couldn't play. i may have jinxed it.

then sara took me and madison home and we fell asleep on the couch watching a show about lions.

one hammock

OMG and. tonight when i got off work i, A) tried to win the lottery with mark B) went to phlight for domi's birthday C) went to justin's birthday party at hannah's where madison got drunk for the first time and sara and i got REALLY high while laying in a hammock in the backyard.

it was at the C) portion of my evening, when this happened:

baron and i(which, why was i even sitting with him that high?!) are sitting next to each other observing people and talking about them and talking about the trip. then sara comes out of the bathroom, walks by us, around the dining room table, and over to the other side to get something from her purse. baron says to me "does she mean for that?" and i say ".... does she mean for what?" and he says " for her... does she mean for.... her..... her dress is stuck in her underwear."

sara madison and i were lying on the hammock and i decided i want a hammock. that is all. out of life, one hammock.

claire cuddles with me. even three years ago.

daily grind

i was hungry so pauline made a plat of grilled cheese sandwiches that sean her and i ate while watching bill o'reily. when kevin came home i couldn't believe how much older he looked, and how different his voice sounded from the last time i had seen him. i gave sean all the music paraic had written out for me so that he can play it now.

jeff's first wife died. i remember paraic and i were looking through a bunch of his old pictures from when they were living in europe and there wasn't a single one of her in it, and he said it was probably because she wanted those ones for herself.

today shane, jeanette, jon, paul, me and million other people saw watchmen at the midnight premier in uptown. it was exactly what i had hoped it would be. on the way home jeanette called my cell phone to tell shane and i to look at the moon. we drove around for twenty minutes trying to find it. we parked at the top of justin and madison's street and got out and stood on the top of my car, still nothing. so we gave up and went inside.

last night everyone played scrabble and jon and myself were a team and we won. by a lot. a bunch of alec's friends were over. they all look so much older. danny got jumped by gangsters, which makes me nervous. i worry a lot. i love it when everyone is over, even though i guess they're not technically my friends. but yesterday was so much fun with all of alec's friends and all of shane's friends, it reminded me of how easy everything can be.

oh baby, you dont say anything

after i got the ticket for parking in the alley, i would usually end up parking a few blocks away. coming home from a shift at 2:30am and then quickly walking across the park to the safety of a closed white picket fence always got my adrenaline rushing, which in retrospect is probably the last thing i needed at 2:30am. it usually smelled like jasmine, wet grass, and then clean laundry once i'd made it past the second gate. there were plants overgrown on either side of the stone walkway, i would always have to push at least one branch out of the way as i passed it. at that point i would usually be able to tell if melanni or nicholas were awake still or in bed. walking up the stairs was always loud- they creaked. i would try to take them as swiftly as possible, on the balls of my feet, holding my keys in my fist to keep them from jangling loudly. i would swing the screen door open and rest it on my back as i struggled with the lock that always got jammed on the front door. once i had it opened i would stumble to my room in the dark, push the door open and toss my purse and keys on the vanity to my right. i would try to close windows tighter because it was always freezing, and then i would change as quickly as possible into sweats, a t-shirt, a sweatshirt and some socks. changing in the closet always seemed warmer, but maybe thats just because it was a smaller space. i would go into the bathroom and still be able to feel the cold linoleum through my socks. putting on a head band i would attempt to let the water run to a warmer temperature, but give up and splash my face with the icy water. after washing my face and while brushing me teeth i would look in the mirror and think, "maybe tommorrow," while not knowing exactly what is was i wanted tommorrow. if i couldn't fall asleep right away i would put in a vhs tape, turn the volume down as low as possible, pile on four blankets, and stare at the screen until my eyes voluntarily closed.