oh my god i throw up a lot.

tereza and tomas are bullshit.

last night i went to sleep and woke up at 915 and then went back to sleep and had a very detailed dream about the big love season finale, the premier of the next twilight movie, reading in a church where the priest who was in charge was the priest who died a few years ago, etc.

also about my grandpa. when we were in the church i saw that he had come in with my grandma. i didnt think this was weird. then when i went up to read i saw someone taking him back behind the alter and i thought, oh maybe they are going to do the anointing of the sick and then i though BUT WAIT, he already died. and then i realized he came back to life/hadnt died to begin with it was just a mistake and so then my grandma is explaining to me about how he was thought to be dead until a few days after the funeral and he it turned out he had just had a tumor in his brain that made him seem dead but then he woke up and so now they were taking back to give him these special shots that were going to cure him and so by the time i figured this out i was so distracted that i forgot what i was supposed to be reading and i was standing in front of the whole church and i turned around and walked up to the priest and said i'm sorry i cant do this right now maybe next time and he said oh thats okay and i went and sat back down.

then we were outside and i was explaining to one of my friends about what had happened to my grandpa and then we were walking by him and i stopped because i didnt want him to overhear me talking about him but he smiled and walked up and i put my arm around him and we were standing side by side and i finished explaining what had happened and then he was making faces like responding to what i was saying and made the 'pssssh' noise he used to always make to express how he agreed when i said he was really lucky and his face was really close to my face and it was skinny, like skinnier than in august, but not as skinny as in november. and i was telling different people that we had to go up and visit my grandparents right away so that they could get to know my grandma and grandpa now that he was alive again.


and then i was driving home and i turned around and noely was in my backseat. and he was all sassy and irish and just like "yeah i had to come back and it had to be a surprise because you never talk to me anymore' and i was so happy to see him.

sitting at work trying not to throw up. i'm not sure why i need to throw up, i just know that i don't want to. summer is coming. maybe i ate too many gummy bears? i want to sleep.

but and also probably because things aren't that bad at all.

i am doing well because i'm acting like nobody's dead and nada isn't leaving and money grows on trees and 25 is young.

i like this creature.