"i want to ask you something"
"that sounds serious"
"it's not. well it's not anymore. i know you don't like to talk about... anything"
"okay"
"why did you just cut me out of your life like that?"
"man, well-"
"we were friends before anything. i mean, that was the worst and then all the sudden you just stopped calling me and stopped returning my calls and stopped hanging out with any of us"
"i know. i'm sorry. its what i needed to do at that time though. it turned into something i didn't want it to be and i just had to 100% get out of it."
"and then you started dating mike"
"yes, and then i started dating mike. and by then i was over everything that had happened between you and i and we probably could've been friends again and talked about everything but i didn't want to do anything to make mike feel uncomfortable and i know he preferred that i didn't see you or talk to you anymore, so i didn't."
"i think i am becoming more like you. like i just don't give a fuck about anyone else and can do whatever i want and not care"
"then you aren't like me. i didn't not care about anyone, didn't you hear me? i only cared about mike"
"WHY. why mike?"
"Oh God if only I knew. trust me i would like to understand it more than anyone."
"i mean really though. you don't listen to anyone and you do whatever you want except for when it comes to this punk kid who's just like every other punk kid from around here"
"well, obviously i don't think so. but i know."
"and he could have completely destroyed so many of your friendships"
"i know"
"and you would have let him. you actually did let him but its okay now"
"look. even when i was in love with someone else and there was a million good reasons for it, even then, that didn't matter if mike wanted to see me. i could never say no to him. i have always picked him. so if you think that you or brian or any of my guy friends or anyone i dated,if you thought anyone else ever stood a chance compared to mike, then you were wrong and i'm sorry. i dont know what that means. what do you think that means?"
"fuck."
"i know."
"what about now?"
"what about now what?"
"you know what"
"that was then."
"whats now?"
"uhh, i hope something different"
Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
who the fuck cares.
i woke up one hour late for work today. which was cool because i got to sleep for two extra hours. i had been in the most shit mood lately. then on thursday night 3 things happened that made me rethink my bad mood. 1. i finally picked up my car, the white car, from my parents house, and listened to the aladdin soundtrack on tape while driving back home 2. Madison called and made me promise to go to breakfast with him the next morning 3. someone mentioned Azabu.
jay derik and i ordered a bunch of food and then none of us ate any of our rolls until everything was there on the table because we wanted to take in the spread before it was gone. also, the tuesday before that when we made dinner at daniels and sat at the fancy table acting so polite and proper with the loudest crunchiest garlic bread in the world, jay was hilarious.so we ate and went to the 40 and when it closed juliet drove us all packed in one car to penn park because we didnt want to go be loud at my place where it was assumed that sara was sleeping since she had work in the morning. the sprinklers were on and luke knocked over a bottle of vodka off the bridge and into a pond, which may or may not have been my fault. we got sprayed with water, i got really high, and then we left and went back to the apartment. i dont really remember what we did there but i think jay woke sara up and i fell asleep on the carpet in my room because juliet,passed out on my bed.
i woke up at 7 in the morning to Derik, loud, who slept on the hardwood floor in the living room. juliet was in my brothers bed, i had somehow made my way onto my bed, luke was on the floor and jay had obviously been in sara's bed. she couldn't find her keys for work. usually that doesn't happen to her, usually that happens to me. we ate at ricks. i went home and went to sleep. then i had a second breakfast with madison. he is going to break up with his girlfriend because he doesn't like her anymore. which makes perfect sense. he said "i was just gone for a month and i didn't think about her ONCE. like, the only time it hought abotu her it was 'i need to e-mail her or she is going to be pissed'" and i thought about how luke had said that you can tell if you really like someone by when you think about them. like, its easy to think about how much you like or miss someone when you're bored, but if you're actually doing something and still think about them, then probably you like them. so i told madison that. and he said "i know, right" and i'm not going to see him for three months and thats sad.
last night after the show i went to jacob's and ate strawberry shortcake. it was hot at the show and i sat in the front row rubbing ice on my legs. like a creep.
also last night at dinner, and by dinner i mean my family was sharing two plates of french fries and onion rings, my mom said "do you know who died today?" and i said "no" and she said "dj am, he was found dead" and i said "really? thats horrible, how sad" and my mom said "i thought about erika. hopefully she's okay" and i said "yeah. yeah"
jay derik and i ordered a bunch of food and then none of us ate any of our rolls until everything was there on the table because we wanted to take in the spread before it was gone. also, the tuesday before that when we made dinner at daniels and sat at the fancy table acting so polite and proper with the loudest crunchiest garlic bread in the world, jay was hilarious.so we ate and went to the 40 and when it closed juliet drove us all packed in one car to penn park because we didnt want to go be loud at my place where it was assumed that sara was sleeping since she had work in the morning. the sprinklers were on and luke knocked over a bottle of vodka off the bridge and into a pond, which may or may not have been my fault. we got sprayed with water, i got really high, and then we left and went back to the apartment. i dont really remember what we did there but i think jay woke sara up and i fell asleep on the carpet in my room because juliet,passed out on my bed.
i woke up at 7 in the morning to Derik, loud, who slept on the hardwood floor in the living room. juliet was in my brothers bed, i had somehow made my way onto my bed, luke was on the floor and jay had obviously been in sara's bed. she couldn't find her keys for work. usually that doesn't happen to her, usually that happens to me. we ate at ricks. i went home and went to sleep. then i had a second breakfast with madison. he is going to break up with his girlfriend because he doesn't like her anymore. which makes perfect sense. he said "i was just gone for a month and i didn't think about her ONCE. like, the only time it hought abotu her it was 'i need to e-mail her or she is going to be pissed'" and i thought about how luke had said that you can tell if you really like someone by when you think about them. like, its easy to think about how much you like or miss someone when you're bored, but if you're actually doing something and still think about them, then probably you like them. so i told madison that. and he said "i know, right" and i'm not going to see him for three months and thats sad.
last night after the show i went to jacob's and ate strawberry shortcake. it was hot at the show and i sat in the front row rubbing ice on my legs. like a creep.
also last night at dinner, and by dinner i mean my family was sharing two plates of french fries and onion rings, my mom said "do you know who died today?" and i said "no" and she said "dj am, he was found dead" and i said "really? thats horrible, how sad" and my mom said "i thought about erika. hopefully she's okay" and i said "yeah. yeah"
Monday, August 24, 2009
last week we went to the grocery store. i was holding tomatoes and looking for my basket, which austin was carrying. i saw a boy and thought "he's very attractive", then realized it was austin.
everything annoyed me this morning. it is because i only slept for three hours. what is annoying me right now is that i cant remember what i wanted to write. and that my water bottle is empty. and that my apple fell on the ground and now i have to wash it. and that mike was in my dream last night
everything annoyed me this morning. it is because i only slept for three hours. what is annoying me right now is that i cant remember what i wanted to write. and that my water bottle is empty. and that my apple fell on the ground and now i have to wash it. and that mike was in my dream last night
Saturday, August 22, 2009
oh and
this morning. i stepped, barefoot, in my carpeted room, on barf. when i walked out onto the porch i saw an empty 24 pack of negro modello, 12 pack of pacifico, handle of seagrams vodka, handle of parrot bay rum, 2 liter bottle of amber mist. i walked back inside, where shane was sitting up in bed wearing orange and blue patterned boxers, with jeanette completley passed out next to him. i said "shane. did you barf on my floor? because i stepped on it this morning." he looked at me, opened and closed his mouth, slowly laid back down on the bed, shutting his eyes.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
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