at work yesterday Haidee and I were both in pissy moods,so it was sort of fun. we smoked together for the first time after work and couldn't stop...laughing. on the way home i decided, i would really like me. like if i met myself, and hung out for day, i would think really just think i was fucking great. so, while myself and i were driving home, we had this internal discussion

"i forgive you"
"...for what?"
"everything"
"really? everything?"
"yeah, really."
"thanks- but hey, do you think i fucked up our life? do you feel trapped in my body while i keep making mistake after mistake?"
"no, no i don't, i think... i think, well i don't know, but i wouldn't have done it any better."
"thank you"

and then i kept driving, really enjoying myself. and when i realized erika was driving behind me on firestone i smiled slightly in the rearview mirror before lighting another cigarette and thought about how funny she is and how sweet kelly is and let the sadness breathe out of me. i need it to pour out.