don't feel guilty: we deserve all good things that will happen to us

i thought i already had a life of relatively intense situations, extreme emotions, record ups & downs. but my greatest heartbreak just occured as i walked by his room and saw the emaciated, depressed, dying man- my grandfather- wrapped in blankets, sleeping on his bed.

my mom doesnt cry about it and my aunt doesnt cry about it and my grandma doesnt cry about it and i was just thinking about how i should be strong like them but then the intense weight of trying to be strong in a devestating situation crushed down on me and i am not yet the woman who can hold back her tears.

&

this is what i look like on mushrooms

side note: what the fuck how big is my hand

i'm exhausted. i want to take a shower but i'm tired. i want to change my clothes but i'm tired. i want to fall in love but i'm tired. i want to go lie down. but i wont be able to fall asleep.

i've been wearing the same jeans and tshirt for the past 4 days so i'm extremely comfortable. i just shower and then put them back on and then before i go out i put on a sweater and a jacket, because layering is really cool even though i'm always out layered by one individual. also my boots. i've been wearing them for about a week straight. so today i was wearing my week straight boots and, oh i almost forgot today i am wearing my favorite underwear, so i'm wearing my week-straight boots, my favorite underwear, my jeans and tshirt, which is joes, and a sweater and the backpack purse i got at goodwill because it was cheap and i feel FUNNY every time i use it, and i walk in the house(no jacket because it wasnt that cold yet) and my mom was making fried fish and mashed potatoes and it smelled good.



ha.