mmmmmmm

there's this short story, where, i'm assuming the entire earth, experiences this huge storm, and then the rain stops, and the wind stops, but the clouds and gray skies never clear up. people begin flocking to the spots where a tiny pocket of sunlight breaks through the clouds.

what if that happens?


and i don't like when i'm feeling something, and i hear a song about how i feel. like maybe i should think, "yeah, man. you get. you totally get it" but instead its, "fuck you. don't sing about how i feel."



rain boots are heavy and my legs hurt.

i will always be around

its' gray outside. the wind rocked my car while i sat smoking a cigarette during a thirty minute lunch break.

there is one million contradictory thoughts floating through my brain right now. i can make people's words go in one ear and out the other, i want to make my own do the same. i want to be blank. i want to fall in a hole or jump in a pool of water and sit at the bottom. i would like to be rain or the clouds or the wind. especially the wind. i didn't take buster for a walk this weekend. all he wants is a walk and i couldn't give it to him. and now its raining and i wont be able to take him for a walk for another few days. i start school wednesday. i want to quite my job and only go to school. i rarely do what i want though. i think i used to? i feel so,

old. and
bad.

to disappear would be the greatest adventure.

if we train our conscience, it will kiss us at the very moment it bites us

i cannot stop thinking about how my aunt's ex husband would always say "forget about it" when describing something good. like, "the pie she made, forget about it" or "the view from our hotel, forget about it"

i also cannot stop thinking about the time in Sevilla when Paco's roommate said she was being used as 'a pawn in the game of girlfriend-boyfriend'

i also cannot stop listening to the song my cousin recorded.